Sibling of a Child Diagnosed with Cancer
Understanding Their Needs and Providing the Care They Require
The sibling of a child diagnosed with cancer requires support from you, the parent. This is just as important as supporting the diagnosed child’s needs-especially noting the expected 15,000 children who will be diagnosed in the U.S. each year, according to the National Cancer Institute. Though rare, if your brother or sister has cancer, you have special needs and fears. To complicate that, as the parent you have a significant role to play with all your children. At the same time, you are feeling overwhelmed. Let’s explore how you navigate this world and identify some strategies you might be able to use.
So Many Emotions
Some feelings siblings have are sadness, anxiety, anger, and guilt (American Cancer Society, 2025). The relationship between the diagnosed child and their siblings will depend on several situations. Children in the family will react differently if they are not the only sibling. The age and developmental stage will also affect how strong emotions are felt and how they are displayed. No matter how different your children are, you will want to let your child talk. You know your child best and how they might feel most comfortable speaking. Some children will want to sit down and talk face-to-face. Others may feel more comfortable walking or throwing a ball around as you talk. Sometimes, when there are big feelings, not having to look a person in the eye while talking may be easier.
But What if My Other Child is Too Young to Understand?
All children will perceive the changes in the household. However, depending on age and developmental stage, not all children will understand what the change is or what it means.
- If you have a very young child, they will likely need more hugs and closeness with you.
- A toddler may miss bedtime stories. If you are not there in person, you might want to read to them over the phone. Talking on the phone before bedtime can help as well. Do not be surprised if there are some regressions in behavior, such as having trouble with potty training.
- Your school-age child may have a hard time understanding it is not their fault. A child of school age may need to be told that it is okay to have fun.
- Your teen may be frustrated with extra tasks you need their assistance with. A teen can also feel frustrated with the lack of time to ‘hang’ with friends. They will need to explore their feelings, which may include spiritual thoughts. Do not be surprised if they draw away from regular activities. Encouraging them to stay involved is healthy. (American Cancer Society, 2025).
If your child is hospitalized, there may be a Child Life Specialist on their team. This is a medical team member whose role is helping sick children process what is happening. Their goal is to help decrease the stress and anxiety that comes with being a hospitalized child (Children’s Hospital of Orange County). A Child Life Specialist can also help your other children understand and talk about what is going on. They are committed to supporting you in this process and can help you figure out how to talk with your children.
Can I See My Brother?
A child visiting their ill sibling can bring support to the entire family (The University of Florida Health, 2022). It is important to remember, children have active imaginations. If they do not visit, they may build their own idea of what is happening. Their imagined truth may be scarier than what they see. (Austin Hatcher Foundation, 2024). A child should be warned about what they will see. However, you may find they are more interested in the person than the medical equipment.
Mommy Looks Sad
As a parent, you need to be sure that you are kind to yourself acknowledging the pressures you have. There will likely be tears, and your healthy child may see you cry. It is appropriate for you to tell your child you are sad. At that time, your child might talk about being sad, or you might ask them. It is important to let them know there is no correct way to feel. Let them know we each have our feelings, and our feelings are not wrong. Talking about that is healthy. Help your child find their outlet for expressing their feelings, which may include writing, drawing, or physical exercise. Most importantly, being honest about your emotions, you will help your child learn to be honest about their emotions. This will help build their emotional intelligence.
All Siblings Need Support, but Not Every Family Has the Same Resources
Depending on the family make-up, how you deliver care to each member of the family may require some creative thinking. When my grandson was hospitalized for extended periods, my daughter stayed with him. Her husband was deployed, and my granddaughter did not have a ready caretaker. It was important for my daughter to stay close to the school and the military community, which were able to assist. A close adult friend who can support your well child is important. Sassy Carmen has a Buddy System program that can match you with a local support partner, including with a sibling.
After diagnosis, the well sibling’s life becomes less predictable. You will need more time with the diagnosed child, for doctor visits and potential hospital stays. Siblings may need to participate in fewer activities than they had before. You may have to skip some sporting events or performances. The more open and honest you can be before these things happen, the more you will help your child. It is important to let them know that it is okay for them to be disappointed. You may find them feeling guilty for thinking of themselves, they need to know that it is normal.
Each Individual
Each sibling in the family needs some special time. It is hard to navigate the time you had previously devoted to each child. Even a walk or an ice cream cone, when delivered especially to that one child, can be very special. This allows you the chance to continue to feel connected as well. This can even lead to a silly time, which is good. Your undiagnosed child might turn serious, at a time like that, and talk to you about the future.
You Can’t Do It All, and That Is Okay, There Is Help
There are support groups for children with cancer and children with specific types of cancer. Frequently, there is a branch of the support group that is there to support the family as well. Especially, as your non-diagnosed child approaches the teen years, they will need support from others close to their age. Teens may find other siblings of similar ages, in these support groups. Your teen, talking with others in the same position as they find themselves, can help them process what the future might look like.
Sassy Carmen is There for You
This path is more than one person can manage by themselves, that is why Sassy Carmen was created. There is a need for others in your life. All your children, the diagnosed child, and those who are siblings, need you. However, you will not have all the answers, and you will be sad, and tired. Your children just need to know that you are there. When you reach out to Sassy Carmen for support you will let them know that needing help is okay. That is a healthy lesson for all of us to learn. Your children will benefit when you show them a willingness to accept that helping hand.
References;
Cancer in Children and Adolescents – NCI https://www.cancer.gov/types/childhood-cancers
Supporting Siblings of Children with Cancer | American Cancer Society https://WWW.cancer.org/cancer/childhood-cancer/helping-siblings.html
Bringing your child to visit a very ill sibling – UF Health htpps://WWW.ufhealth.org/care-sheets/bringing-your-child-to-visit-a-very-ill-sibling
Cancer and Siblings: A Guide to Support https://WWW.hatcherfoundation.org/about/news/cancer-and-siblings-a-guide-to-support
Education and Support for Siblings – Children’s Hospital of Orange County https://choc.org/programs-services/child-life/education-support-siblings
