Grandchild with Cancer
Forming long-distance bonds with a Grandchild with Cancer is important! Most of us don’t live like the Waltons, the fictional TV family with John and Olivia, their seven children, and both grandparents all living in the same house. Our families are usually scattered, sometimes over thousands of miles. Instead, you must make an intentional effort to support your grandchild, and even more effort if you live at a distance. Moreover, you have some special challenges in connecting with a grandchild with a cancer diagnosis.
Building (or Beginning) the Relationship
The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is “a friendship based on mutual trust and shared confidence” (Kraft, 2025). If your grandchild is in the hospital, ask the parents about the best way to contact the child, by phone or video call if possible. If you are not in the habit of calling your grandchildren, build the relationship by telling them how you are always thinking about them, even if you live far away. Let them know they are special to you in many ways. Keep up with the news they follow. If they are interested in sports, dancing, or music, find out more about famous people in that area.
Ask them to tell you if anyone visited today, who they were, and what they talked about. Ask them if anyone came by and explained anything to them about their treatment. Get the child to tell you how a treatment works or what it involves, in their own words, even if they are very young. Did they get to do anything special today? Read a story to them via video, sharing the script or the pictures. For adolescents and their changing state of development, focus on stability. Be consistent, and be strong. Demonstrate patience with any difficulties they express. Adolescents are interested in grandparents’ own experiences with situations similar to theirs, such as friendships or first loves, or just being in the hospital.
Methods of Communication
You have many communication options available. Work with the parents to make sure your grandchild has access to a laptop, smartphone, or tablet. You can conduct phone calls, video chats (lasting 5 minutes to 45 minutes), emails, and/or texts, as appropriate. Try snail mail (both cards and letters), a great addition to any relationship. Send little “care packages” with toys for little ones, and nice toiletries or special books for the older ones. Keep up to date by learning how to do video calls, writing small notes to mail, and sending special family photos with notes about them. Read the same books together or play the same games on your devices, or gather for a movie night (Fuller et al., 2022).
Other Things To Do Online
Virtual gardening – plant something fast-growing in a small pot with the child watching on Facebook, ask them how much water it needs, and check progress each week. Bring them the plant next time you see them, or as soon as they’re allowed, or name the plant with them! You can learn some magic skills and perform a brief virtual magic show. Play online games, including word games like Scrabble, Boggle, or even Checkers. These games teach mind skills, strategy, and word skills. They are easily available through the Internet. Your grandchild may be able to help you find a game they like.
Will They Appreciate Snail-Mail?
Yes, absolutely. A special card or note, maybe with an old family photo, gives them something to put away and treasure. It lets them know in a special way that they are very precious to you. However, don’t expect answers to all your cards or emails; children sometimes forget, and sick children may not be able to respond if they are having a bad day. Grandchildren appreciate your mailings anyway.
In-Person Visits With Your Grandchild
If you can visit, make the most out of each moment and interaction. Don’t just sit and make conversation, as you would with an adult. Play a game together, or just read something to them. Even some adolescents enjoy being read to. Bring something special in your luggage for small children to find, like a book or a toy.
Managing Your Emotions
Avoid sharing your personal sadness at not being able to be there. It is ok to say “I miss you,” but don’t get into saying “I’m so sad I can’t be there.” The first statement focuses on the child, but the second one focuses on your own sadness. When you feel sad, let it be a reminder to send a card or email, or just a quick text with something funny in it.
Your emotions may vary from one moment to the next, with joy at little successes or sadness at the pain your grandchild may be experiencing. Little successes can be celebrated on your own, such as “Today, I got her to laugh.” “Today, we talked about his favorite baseball team and their chance at the World Series.” You long to be there. However, it is more helpful to accept the challenge of making the relationship stronger over the miles. Every effort you make is progress in building a lifelong relationship.
Long-term Effects of Grandparent-Grandchild Bonding
You may be creating a legacy that your grandchild will carry on with their grandchildren. It’s important to know that later on, adults who are emotionally close to their grandparents have fewer depressive symptoms. As a bonus, grandparents who are close to their grandchildren are more likely to receive caregiving support from those grandchildren later on (Fuller et al., 2022).
Other Sources of Support for You and Your Grandchild
The Sassy Carmen Foundation is a wonderful organization that provides access to someone who knows about pediatric cancer when you need to talk. They can listen to your concerns, provide encouragement and guidance through supportive phone calls, and may have other suggestions to help you stay connected with your grandchild. They can explain the processes of diagnosis and treatment. The Foundation also provides funding for special events for children and sometimes travel funds for parents and possibly grandparents if the need is great. To contact a Sassy Carmen volunteer, complete the form on this website under “Contact Us.”
Benefits of Strong Bonds with Grandchildren
Developing a strong relationship, long-distance or otherwise, with your grandchild can improve your own mental health and keep you active. Your grandchild will benefit in so many ways from connecting with you when they are not well. It is essential to be with them through both good times and bad times. They will feel comfort and a sense of being special to you. This feeling of being special to someone can produce confidence, which can translate into increased endorphins (“feel-good” chemicals) in the body, which promote pain relief and healing.
Know that you are very important to your grandchild, even if they don’t always show it, especially when they are not feeling good. They also need to know how important they are to you. You have the opportunity to give unconditional love as no one else can. Explore the websites in this reference list for more ideas and support for your role as a long-distance grandparent. Frequent communication in special ways is the key!
References
Byrne, K. (October 4, 2024). Navigating the Emotions of Long Distance Grandparenting. The Long Distance Grandparent. https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com/navigating-the-emotional-rollercoaster-of-long-distance-grandparenting/
Byrne, K. (Sept 4, 2025). Small steps, big love: A crucial mindset shift for long-distance grandparents. The Long Distance Grandparent. https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com/small-steps-big-love-a-progress-mindset-for-long-distance-grandparents-to-stay-connected-with-their-grandchildren/
Fuchsberger, V., Beuthel, J. M., Bentegeac, P., & Tscheligi, M. (2021). Grandparents and grandchildren meeting online: The role of material things in remote settings. Proceedings of the CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems. https://doi.org/10.1145/3411764.3445191
Fuller, H., Miller, M., Schuch, A., Van Vleet, B., & Strommen, J. (FS2025; reviewed Jan. 2022). Strengthening grandparent/grandchild ties (FS2025). North Dakota State University Extension. https://www.ndsu.edu/agriculture/extension/publications/strengthening-grandparent/grandchild-ties
Kakulla, B., Barr, R., Zosh, J., Strouse, G., Myers, L., Troseth, G., & McClure, E. (2021, June 16; updated Sept. 7, 2021). Frequent video chats help grandparents and their young grandchildren (AARP Research). AARP. https://www.aarp.org/pri/topics/technology/internet-media-devices/video-chat-grandparents-grandchildren-pandemic/
Kalish, N. (June 3, 2010). Over The River & Through The Woods: Long Distance Grandparenting. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sticky-bonds/201006/over-the-river-through-the-woods-long-distance-grandparenting
Kraft, R. N. (2024, October 25). 10 keys to grandparenting from a distance. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/defining-memories/202404/10-things-to-know-about-grandparenting-from-a-distance
Silver, J. (2023).How To Be A Great Virtual Grandparent (2023 Update). ElWell. https://el-well.com/how-to-be-a-great-virtual-grandparent/
